Magical Slayers Theatre 3000: Season Two
by Za Metallium
Summary: Za, a bunch of chibis, and the Slayers gang comment on other people's fics. Same self-indulgence and nonsense, better fics than season one.


Magical Slayers Theatre 3000: Lovepains by Chaos

**Magical Slayers Theatre 3000:   
"Love Sure Packs One Hell of a Punch!" by Chaos **   
MSTie by [Za Metallium][1], Trickster Priestess 

  


  


(Welcome to the Trickster Priestess' pocket dimension, a place where all those weird-coloured anime background reside when not in use elsewhere. Said priestess and a group of others are gathered near the Obscenely Large Monitor.) 

ZA: Saa, Eris-chan, is everyone here? 

KOPII ERIS: Let me check. (takes out a mini-spiral and reads from it) Xelloss... 

XELLOSS: Wouldn't miss it. ~_~ 

KOPII ERIS: ...Zelgadiss... 

ZEL: Why me? 

KOPII ERIS: 'Cos Za-chan likes you, Stone Boy. Lina Inverse... 

LINA: Forget you, Zel, why **me**? 

KOPII ERIS: 'Cos Za-chan likes you best, Lina. Fluffy... 

SESSHOUMARU: That is Sesshoumaru-_sama_ to you, kisama. 

KOPII ERIS: Watch it, dog-demon; Za-chan owns you. 

ZA: Thank you, Hotel Bishounen. ^.^ 

(Sesshoumaru twitches.) 

KOPII ERIS: Dynast-kun... 

(Chibi Dynast is looking at Lina, and ignores Kopii Eris.) 

ZA: (noticing this) Well, he _is_ from "Irony" more-or-less... 

KOPII ERIS: Yes, everyone's here. 

ZA: Yoshi. Let's get to it, then. 

ZEL: Get to what? Another one of your horrendous fics? 

ZA: Nope. 

LINA & ZEL: Nani?! 

(Sesshoumaru snorts in derision.) 

LINA: Watch it, girl. 

SESSHOUMARU & ZA: He's/I'm NOT A GIRL! 

LINA: ...uh, right...(inches away carefully) 

ZA: Anyway, we're gonna play with one of Ranmyaku-chan's fics. Well, an early draft of one, anyway... 

MINNA sans ZA: ?.? 

ZA: (sighs) Ranmyaku-chan is my new nickname for Chaos-chan. 

MINNA sans ZA: Ooohhh. 

ZEL: (suspicious) There's something not right here. 

ZA: Of course, there's a catch. 

LINA: Of course. 

ZA: We have to tear it to bits. 

LINA, ZEL, & XEL: o.O 

CHIBI DYNAST: What's with them, Za-kun? 

ZA: They know how I usually gush about Ranmyaku-chan's stuff. And _must_ you call me 'kun?' 

CHIBI DYNAST: Yes. 

ZA: -.-; 

SESSHOUMARU: Can we get on with this? 

KOPII ERIS: No, we can't. 

SESSHOUMARU: (eyes narrow) Kisama... 

ZA: Enough, you two. Let's start. 

> Love Sure Pack One Hell of a Punch! 

ZEL: Probably she means "Packs." 

CHIBI DYNAST: (groans) What a pun... 

KOPII ERIS: (also groans) What a **bad** pun... 

> It all started with dinner. 

(Sesshoumaru eyes Kopii Eris with a look that says 'you'd make a good appetizer if you weren't so sour.') 

KOPII ERIS: (ignoring the dog demon) It _usually_ starts with dinner with them. 

(Za nods in agreement.) 

> Lina Inverse 

ZA, XEL, & DYNAST: Lina-chan! (cheer) 

(Lina blushes like there's no tomorrow. Or like Zel, take your pick.) 

> and her mismatched gang of friends 

ZA: Using the term "friends" very loosly. 

> were sitting around a long   
> table, having (for them) a reasonably quiet evening. 

KOPII ERIS: Which basically means that they aren't fighting upper-level mazoku. Yet. 

> Things were going rather well. 

ZEL: Gah, "rather." You're a bad influence, Metallium. 

ZA: ^.^ 

> Lina hogged most of the chow since nobody was   
> crazy or stupid enough (with the lone exception of Gourry,   
> perhaps) 

LINA: "Perhaps"? "Perhaps," my ass! 

> to try and snatch any of it away. 

DYNAST: Emphasis being on "try." 

(Sesshoumaru looks bored and studies his claws.) 

> The inn that they were in so happened to have a buffet   
> dinner, and an all-you-can-eat-and-drink bar, much to the   
> delight (and later despair of the innkeeper) of Lina and   
> a fair bunch of her friends. 

KOPII ERIS: ?.? 

ZA: Na, the aside should come after "friends." Totally confused the flow of the sentence where it is. 

KOPII ERIS: No kidding. 

> The bottomless drink 

CHIBI DEEP SEA DOLPHIN: (appears) Someone mentioned my home? 

CHIBI DYNAST: I think she was referring to something more along the lines of free refills, not the ocean, Dolph-nee. 

CHIBI DEEP SEA DOLPHIN: Oh. That's okay, then. (disappears) 

CHIBI DYNAST: (in a long-suffering tone of voice) I have such weird sisters. And brothers. Actually, my whole family's nuts. 

XELLOSS: If you say so, Unca Dynast. 

CHIBI DYNAST: -_-; 

> chilled in two huge bowls right in the middle of the (   
> what had been) very well laden buffet table, 

ZA: Should move the "the" after the aside. And change it to "a," maybe. 

> and was a punch of mixed fruits. 

ZA: You should alter that. It's something of a run-on. Perhaps "The bottomless drink, a punch of mixed fruits, chilled in the middle of (what should have been) a very well-laden buffet table." Though you'd have to check on the usage of the hypen. 

ZEL: .... 

KOPII ERIS: Fear Za-chan when she goes into copy editor mode. 

ZEL: (mutters) Just then? More like **always** fear her... 

(Sesshoumaru has started to doze off.) 

> Lina, Gourry and Amelia stuffed their faces at paces better   
> left unsaid and in manners definitely better left unsaid. 

XELLOSS: Which goes without saying. ~_~ 

> Filia, Val, Milgazia, Sylphiel, Zelgadiss and Xelloss ate   
> at rather reasonable (and much more dignified) paces and   
> with much better manners. 

LINA: Valgarv has table manners? 

ZA: Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are. 

> Quite suddenly, we are back at the buffet table, 

ZEL: Eh? We? 

KOPII ERIS: I guess that's one way to make a transition... 

ZA: If you don't mind it being incredibly awkward. 

CHIBI DYNAST: "Back at the buffet table" would be much simplier. 

> listening in on a rather hot bit 

XEL: Ooh, hot bit. 

ZEL: She doesn't mean **that** kind, you hentai mazoku! (tries to smack the trickster, but Xelloss ducks.) 

XEL: ~_~ 

> that has EVERYTHING to do with the mess that you   
> know just has to be coming. 

LINA: Of course. I **always** get into messes. >.<

CHIBI DYNAST: And it wouldn't be much of a fic, otherwise. 

> "Liena, I love you!" 

MINNA sans FLUFFY: @.@ 

KOPII ERIS: That...is that a different character and not just a mistype of "Lina"? 

ZA: New character... 

CHIBI DYNAST: Did she run out of name ideas? 

ZA: That's my guess, since she just calls the other guy "Geek." 

> a tall geeky, bespectacled gangly lad whined to one   
> gorgeous redhead babe. 

ZA: Need a comma after "tall" and "bespectacled," Ranmyaku-chan. And it's redhead**ed**. 

> "Well, I don't," Liena snapped, looking disdainfully away. 

KOPII ERIS: "Looking disdainfully away"...is it just me, or does that just not...flow properly? 

ZA: Its not just you. 

> "You're ugly, you're boring, blind as a bat, and probably   
> the geekest 

ZA: "Geek**i**est." 

> geek this side of   
> Saillune! What could I ever find to love in you?!" 

ZA: Parallel structure, mind the parallel structure. 

> Geek blinked as tears fell down his freckled face.   
> "But that's all on the outside! 

XEL: He probably has lovely viscera. 

LINA: Eeewww... 

> Why won't you give me a chance?!" 

LINA: Because you're a whiner. 

ZEL: Because it wouldn't fit the plot. 

XEL: Because she's got a sex toy already. 

KOPII ERIS: Because she's a bitch. 

CHIBI DYNAST: Because that would be dull. 

ZA: Just because. 

> "Get lost, Geek!" Liena pushed Geek away and swayed to   
> a hunk of a blonde 

XEL: Blonde **what**? ~_~ 

ZA: "Blond." The "e" ending is feminine; Filia is blonde but Gourry is blond. 

LINA: (yawns) How exciting. 

> (No! Not Gourry, guys!). 

ZEL: You mean there's another guy like Gourry out there? 

KOPII ERIS: Gods, I don't think such denseness can exist in one universe with causing implosion. 

> Geek banged into the table and spilled some punch on   
> the back of his shirt, he didn't notice of course, and he   
> was too miserable to care even if he did. 

ZA: Argh! Comma splices! The Evil-in-a-BAD-Way comma splices!! 

ZEL: (stares at Za; aside) She scares me. 

> Suddenly, Geek's head jerked back up to stare at   
> Liena, and an ominous fire flared in his beady eyes as   
> he saw her lean close to Hunk and kiss him, looking up at   
> him adoringly. 

ZA: That's a little crowded, as well. I'd either reorganize it or make two seperate sentences. 

> "Fine! If she sees it that way!" he huffed, pushing away   
> from the table and getting more punch on the back of his shirt.   
> Geek stuck his hand into the pocket of his breeches and pulled 

XEL: ...on his— 

(Zel succeeds in smacking ecchi Xelloss this time.) 

ZEL: Fruitcake. 

XEL: Am not. That's just a vicious fanfiction-created myth. 

> out a tiny vial. "I guess I have to get serious!" 

XEL: (as Geek) This acid'll make me see how to win her back! 

ZA: Baka. 

> Geek (Mind you, this is not his true name, but it works) 

ZA: ...since poor Ranmyaku-chan ran out of new names; she used 'em all up planning Slayers Saga. 

> then looked around.   
> "Now, how to get her to drink this…? All I need is a drop   
> into any drink." 

KOPII ERIS: Actually, he probably needs a drop into HER drink. 

> "Hey, Liena!" the voice of Hunk called. "Where are you going?" 

KOPII ERIS: (as Liena) To go ask Geek for some of that acid he's waving around. 

> "To get a drink, Shane," Liena purred as she headed back to the   
> table and Geek. 

CHIBI DYNAST: Wow, looks like she came up with an almost-original name after all. How impressive. 

> Geek's face broke into a devious, gleeful grin. Perfect! 

ZA: ...impression of Xelloss. Well, maybe not **perfect**... 

> The awkward youth grabbed at a glass and filled it with the   
> punch, then he set it down next to the bowl and unscrewed the   
> vial. 

XEL: So he could eventually screw the girl. ~_~ 

ZEL: HENTAI! (tries and fails to thwack Xelloss upside the head) 

> But just as he was about let a drop of it drip into the   
> glass, he crashed into the table again and the   
> vial flew out of his hand to tumble into the bowl right   
> beside the glass. 

ZA: Hands up who saw **this** coming. 

(Everyone except the dozing Sesshoumaru raises a hand.) 

LINA: Not _too_ cliche, ne... 

ZEL: **Na,** Metallium? (holds up a copy of "Love-in-Idleness") 

ZA: Eh heh heh...^.^;; (scratches the back of her head) 

> No! Geek screamed silently.   
>   
> "Oops!" a silvery voice said, and Geek turned- 

ZEL: —into a giant monster because of his beast gene. 

LINA: —into a girl. 

KOPII ERIS: —into a sailor senshi. 

XEL: —the charm on. ~_~ 

> Another redhead stood next to him, she wasn't as sexy as   
> Liena, but man! 

ZA: Hey, I dunno 'bout that. I've seen some rather sexy pics of Lina-chan. 

DYNAST & XEL: Can I have copies? 

LINA: (bright red, buries her face in her hands) Oh gods... 

> Liena wasn't half as cute as she was. 

ZA: Well DUH! 

ZEL: No, she's not biased at _all_... 

KOPII ERIS: Shove it, Stone Boy. 

> Her eyes were the first thing that caught him; 

XEL: With her Super Duper Restraining Eye Beam. Eat your heart out, Superman. 

ZEL: That was just plain dumb. 

KOPII ERIS: Don't see you doing much better, Stone Boy. 

> they were huge and ruby-hued, sparkling and dancing 

XEL: The rhumba. ~_~ 

ZA: Okay, who let Xel into the Good Stuff? 

(Zel blushes at the mention of liquor, trying not to remember the events of a previous MSTie.) 

> in a way Liena's brown eyes would never match. And they were   
> dancing 

XEL: The tango. ~_~ 

CHIBI DYNAST: That was old the **first** time, Xelloss. 

(Xel pouts.) 

> and sparkling at him, 

ZA: Or was that just the acid? 

> something Liena's eyes never did when   
> she looked at him-well, she never did look at him, 

KOPII ERIS: Because, as we've established, all the stuff of the outside of this kid leaves **much** to be desired. 

> but her eyes weren't as striking as this. And she was   
> smiling, too! And at him!!   
>   
> Wow, what a cute smile, he thought dreamily. 

ZA, XEL, & DYNAST: (sigh) Haaaaai. 

(Zel nods in agreement before catching himself and going back to Unfeeling Evil Swordsman Mode.) 

> "Sorry 'bout that," she said, her smile turning sheepish and   
> Geek fell further down into her mesmerizing gaze. "Uh…no p-problem…"   
> he stammered.   
>   
> "Great!" she laughed. 

KOPII ERIS: (as Lina) 'Cos if there was a problem, I'd have to Dil Brando your ass to the Demon Ocean. 

CHIBI DEEP DEA DOLPHIN: (appears again) I **know** someone mentioned my home this time! 

KOPII ERIS: Oh, that'd be me. Is there a problem with me doing that? 

CHIBI DEEP SEA DOLPHIN: No, no, none at all. (disappears again) 

KOPII ERIS: You **do** have a weird family, Dynast-kun. 

CHIBI DYNAST: I did tell you so... 

> "Hey, Lina!" Geek looked over Lina's shoulder to see another   
> tall oh-too-dashing blond, who 

ZA: Also happened to be an idea candidate for having his brains dashed out... 

LINA: Sheesh, morbid. 

XEL: That's odd. I've always been convinced Gourry-kun had jellyfish nesting where his brain should've been. 

KOPII ERIS: I thought he kept yogurt there. 

(Za shrugs: "whatever.") 

> sat at a long table close to the   
> buffet table, waving his empty glass at them. "Could you get me   
> some punch since you're there?"   
>   
> "Yeah, me, too!" a chorus of calls erupted around that long   
> table, along with a sea of waving mugs. 

LINA: Hey, I'm much too delicate for such manual labour! 

ZEL: (snorts) Delicate? 

LINA: Are you implying I'm an unfeminine pack animal?! (beats Zel into the non-ground) 

> Lina…what a lovely name, Geek's gaze went back to Lina like   
> a magnet, 

CHIBI DYNAST: They **are** opposites. 

> and he caught her scowl. Gee, even when she's mad she's   
> still cute. Hey, are those fangs…? 

ZA: Yup. You see, she's actually an anime vampire. D, Mosquition, Miyu—they got nothin' on Lina-chan. 

LINA: (stops smushing Zel into blue jelly)...huh? 

> "I can't carry that many glasses, you guys!" she yelled back,   
> shaking a slender little fist at the lot of them. Suddenly,   
> she snapped her fingers and grabbed the punch bowl right beside   
> Geek. 

ZA: Okay, hands up who saw **that** coming. 

(Everyone except snoozing Sesshoumaru again raises a hand.) 

> "Well, bye!" Lina cocked her head in farewell; her long fiery   
> hair swirled around her face as she spun about to stroll back   
> to her table.   
>   
> "Bye…" Geek waved, smiling stupidly, 

KOPII ERIS: Looks like the stuff on the **in**side of this kid isn't anything to write home about, either. 

> his hand picking up the glass that he   
> had filled. The glass was snatched away. 

ZEL: Don't even **think** about saying it, hentai. 

XEL: Who, me? ~_~ 

> "Thanks, Geek," Liena sneered. "But don't think I like you now."   
>   
> That was when Geek realized something. Oh no! He shrieked   
> in silent horror. 

CHIBI DYNAST: He seems to "silently" yell a great deal. 

> He wheeled around to stare at the punch bowl in Lina's hands.   
> I HAVE to get a glass of that if I want Liena to fall in love   
> with me! 

ZA: Since she's **obviously** such a great catch. 

KOPII ERIS: Careful, Za-chan, you're dripping sacrasm all over the place. 

ZA: Oops. ^.^; 

> Geek grabbed 

XEL: His— 

(This time Chibi Dynast smacks the hentai priest.) 

CHIBI DYNAST: Enough with the lewd remarks in front of Lina-chan, boy. 

(Xel pouts again.) 

> an empty glass.   
>   
> He shuffled over to the table; watching anxiously as Lina   
> set the bowl down and everybody began filling their glasses   
> with punch. He prayed that there would be enough left for him.   
> There was. 

LINA: Kinda makes you wonder just which god is listening to him, doesn't it? 

ZA: With what's to come? My money's on L-sama. 

> Geek started to sigh, saw the rest quaff their glasses,   
> and froze when he saw Lina filled her glass with the last   
> of the punch. NO! Have to stop her!   
> Can't 

ZEL: —use personal pronouns. 

> let her drink it or Liena will never fall in love with me! 

KOPII ERIS: Right, would be a pity if Lina drank it and **she** fell in love with you instead. 

ZA: Especially since she's so much cuter, more pleasant, and all-around superior to "Liena." 

CHIBI DYNAST: (glowering) "Pity" isn't the word I'd use. 

> "Uh…excuse me," Geek began shyly to the tiny redhead, tapping   
> her on the shoulder.   
>   
> Lina turned and looked at him in surprise, stopping, her   
> head tipped back, the glass just touching her mouth.   
> "Yeah?" she asked around the glass' rim. 

ZA: Isn't that a cute mental image? 

> "LINA! I LOVE YOU!!" 

ZA: At the risk of sounding reptitive...hands up who saw **this** coming. 

(Yet again, everyone but napping Fluffy raises a hand.) 

> Geek watched in horror as the glass Lina held crashed   
> and rolled across the floor, spilling the precious punch   
> over the wooden planks.   
>   
> Lina stared, dazed, at the man who had glomped her.   
>   
> "ZEL?!" she screamed in utter amazement, then squeaked as   
> the purple-haired man who had been sitting beside her latched   
> onto her, too. 

ZA: Hah! I knew it. With Ranmyaku-chan's biases, this was inevitable. 

ZEL: (predictably blushing; piteously) Oh gods... 

XEL: Lucky! ~_~ 

> "NO, LINA!! I LOVE YOU MORE!!!"   
>   
> "XELLOSS?!"   
>   
> "NO, FAIR LINA, IT IS I WHO LOVE YOU TRUEST!!!!"   
>   
> Lina looked like she was about to faint, either from lack   
> of air since three very tall men were hugging her very tightly   
> or from shock, Geek wondered idly if it were both. "MILGAZIA?"   
> she whispered. 

MINNA sans FLUFFY & ZA: o.O 

ZA: Hands up who saw **that** coming... 

(No one raises a hand.) 

> "FIEND, RELEASE HER!"   
>   
> "YOU RELEASE HER!"   
>   
> "I SHALL NOT!!"   
>   
> "LET GO, SHE'S MINE!" Zel joined in.   
>   
> "Geh…" Lina managed, beginning to look a little blue. 

ZA: (giggles insanely) It's Lina-chan Tug o' War! 

LINA: (BRIGHT red) . . . . . 

ZA: (recovering) But it **really** gets war-like in a minute... 

> Geek took a step closer, meaning to help out but as he did a   
> blond girl suddenly shot past him, and glomped the purple-haired   
> man. "Xelloss! I LOVE YOU!!" she began to tug at Xelloss who screamed   
> back at her. "Well, I don't! LET GO!!" 

KOPII ERIS: Take **that**, Xel/Filia fans. ^.^ 

> "Yes, you do, you just have to realize it!"   
>   
> "Oh, Zelgadiss-sama…!"   
>   
> Now a purple-haired girl, who had a haunting resemblance to   
> Xelloss, latched onto Zel. 

LINA: Oi, Xelloss, you ever been married? 

XEL: No, why do you...(notices everyone looking at him suspiciously) We're not related! I swear. She's much to naive too be **my** offspring. 

CHIBI DYNAST: If you say so. 

> "Let go of me!" Zel yelled.   
>   
> The girl giggled. "Oh, Zelgadiss-sama…" she sighed as though   
> she hadn't heard him, burying her face in his neck.   
>   
> WHACK!!!   
>   
> Geek winced as Xelloss went down, the blond girl had just whipped   
> out a HUGE mace from under her robes and bashed him on the head. 

ZA: ARGH! Another comma splice! 

LINA: What **is** it with you and comma splices? 

ZA: I don't like them! 

ZEL: Oh, like **that's** not blatently obvious. 

> "Oh, Xelloss-love!" she crooned, glomping him happily. "I knew   
> it would hit you eventually that I'm the girl for you!"   
>   
> Geek sweatdropped. That's one way to put it…kind of. 

(Everyone but Fluffy follows Geek's example and sweatdrops at the awful pun.) 

> Suddenly, she screeched as the all-too-dashing blond Geek   
> remembered seeing before glomped her. 

KOPII ERIS: You know, they kinda look like they're related, too. 

> "Oh, Filia! I LOVE YOU!!!" he cried, crushing her to his chest. 

ZA: Which would make this incest, na? 

LINA: (a little green) >.<

> As luck might have it, 

ZA: No, not Luck, L-sama! 

> he also ended up hugging Xelloss' head along   
> with Filia. He wriggled joyfully as both Filia and Xelloss   
> approached interesting shades of blue. 

KOPII ERIS: How cute, now they match Stone Boy. 

ZEL: (glares at Kopii Eris) Omae wo korosu. 

ZA: Um, Zel, have you been watching Gundam Wing again? 

ZEL: (defensively) I indentify with Heero somehow... 

> Oh man, that was one heck of a love potion…no wonder that   
> peddler told me to be really careful. I should have listened,   
> Geek rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. I better do something,   
> and fix this mess. 

KOPII ERIS: And he'd do this how? It's been established that he doesn't have, well, **anything** going for him. 

> He winced again as Filia got loose and used that mace of hers   
> on Gourry (he heard the name amidst the bashes), shrieking like a   
> banshee. 

KOPII ERIS: Was that aside really necessary? 

ZA: Of course. Otherwise it would make no sense to be using Gourry's name at this point, since it's from Geek's POV. 

KOPII ERIS: And when did sense come into play? 

> And fast, Geek finished, cringing at the level of damage the seemingly   
> demure girl was wreaking. Suddenly Filia stopped, only because she caught   
> sight of Xelloss crawling away.   
>   
> "AND JUST WHERE ARE YOU GOING???"   
>   
> "TO MY LOVE!!"   
>   
> "I AM YOUR LOVE!!!"   
>   
> "NO, YOU ARE NOT!!!" 

ZEL: Too much yelling... 

KOPII ERIS: Aw, is poor Stone Boy's hearing bothering him? 

(Zel looks ready to carry through on his Heero impression.) 

ZA: Don't **even**, Zel-kun. 

(Zel grumbles to himself about evil, evil women.) 

> Geek got out of there quickly as Gourry bounced back and   
> joined in the ensuing brawl.   
>   
> Right into- 

(Xel looks ready to say something, but at duel glares from Zel and Dynast, he just goes straight to pouting.) 

> "Sylphiel, I LOVE YOU!!"   
>   
> Now who is this?! Geek thought, jumping out of the way as a   
> green-haired young man plowed past him and now latched onto   
> Sylphiel who was still glued to Zel. 

LINA: @.@ 

ZEL: Sylphiel and **Valgarv**?! 

(Chibi Dynast eyes Xelloss suspiciously.) 

XEL: She's **not** related to me! 

> "Zelgadiss-sama!!" Sylphiel wailed. "Help me!"   
>   
> "You can have her, Val," Zel told the man. 

KOPII ERIS: Now that's the Stone Boy we all know and loathe—a jerk. 

(Zel steams.) 

> Sylphiel looked devastated. "NO! You must love me!" she sobbed.   
>   
> "I DO!!" Val cried, distressed by her tears. "My love, don't   
> cry!" he tugged at Sylphiel. "He is not worthy of your affection!!   
> I AM!!" 

ZEL: (as Val) If you ignore my whole trying-to-summon-Darkstar-to- destroy-the-world mistake. 

> Sylphiel stubbornly clung to Zel. "No, NO!! I love him, not you!!   
> Let me gooo!! Zelgadiss-sama!!!!!"   
>   
> Val sure was stronger than he looked, Geek decided, since the next   
> moment Zelgadiss went flying to crash into the table, smashing it   
> to bits, as Val gave a powerful tug and got Sylphiel. 

ZA: Toldja it got more war-like. 

> Thus, leaving Lina in Milgazia's sole possession.   
>   
> Milgazia smiled sensuously at the gasping Lina, hugging her close   
> and again stealing her breath away. 

KOPII ERIS: Now that is a **weird** mental image. 

> "Now, my sweet lady of fire, that love has chosen true cannot be   
> doubted, let you and I-" 

(Xelloss mutters something about again regretting not commiting complete genocide where the Golds are concerned.) 

> "STOP!"   
>   
> I don't want to know! Geek groaned silently but did find out,   
> anyway.   
>   
> A tiny short-haired girl had jumped onto a chair beside him   
> and struck a pose. She leveled her finger at Milgazia and Lina.   
> "I, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Princess of the kingdom of Saillune,   
> cannot allow this to continue! Milgazia, Elder of the Gold Dragons,   
> release her! She is unworthy of your love! MY love is FAR FAR truer!! 

MINNA sans FLUFFY: @.@ 

ZA: That has **got** to be one of the zarbiest pairings ever concieved. 

KOPII ERIS: What about Miss Justice and Xelloss? Or her and Phibrizo? 

CHIBI PHIBRIZO: (appears) Leave me outta this! (disappears) 

ZEL: What's with all the Dark Lord chibis? 

ZA: ...long story. Anyway, I take back my previous statement. But it's **still** zarbi. 

> You may look in the highest of places, the lowest of planes,   
> my love for you will burn like a sun that will never die!!!"   
> Geek blinked. Are those HEARTS?? He could swear as Princess   
> Amelia spoke, her eyes all asparkle, little pink hearts swirled   
> into existence around her… " 

CHIBI DYNAST: Pity "Geek" is not diabetic, or we'd be rid of him in a few moments. 

> -Eternity will not last as long as my love!! Now, I will show you   
> and let the entire world be the witness of the depth and purity of   
> my love for you!!!"   
> Yup. And cute little angels, too. With HARPS. Geek shook his head.   
> Oh, gods, can I pick 'em or what? "Come to me, my Dragon Darling!! 

MINNA sans FLUFFY: "Dragon Darling"?! 

XEL: Yare-yare... 

> Let us fill and lighten the world with our everlasting true love!" 

ZEL: (as Milgazia) What's this "we" stuff? 

> Amelia leapt at Milgazia-   
>   
> And missed. 

ZA: Hands up who saw **that** coming. 

(Everyone buy sleeping Fluffy raises a hand.) 

> Amelia's boot smacked into Milgazia's face, taking out the blond   
> man-no dragon, Geek sweatdropped. Oh, man. A Ryuzoku…I did it this   
> time, 

ZA: You have **no** idea. (grins evilly) But you will. 

> I really better do something fast before- 

ZA: —someone notices my...(notices the glares from Zel, Chibi Dynast, **and** Xel) er, nevermind. 

XEL: If I don't get to say it, neither do you. 

> Geek snapped out of it as he heard Lina's shriek, his gaze   
> shot around and then went up to see the little redhead go flying   
> as Milgazia let go of her.   
>   
> She's going get hurt if she falls to the floor! Geek, ever the   
> gentleman, 

KOPII ERIS: Because gentlemen attempt to drug their love interests **all the time**... 

> threw out his own arms, trying to catch her. He did. 

ZA: Minor battles are over. Let the true war begin... 

> Geek tumbled to the floor, Lina landing in his lap, dazed,   
> her arms tossed loosely around his neck.   
>   
> "Thanks," she gasped. "You…" 

ZA: 'Hentai,' Lina screamed as she noticed...oh, forget it. Turn off the glares, you three. 

> she trailed off as her gaze went back to the free melee around   
> the long table.   
>   
> Xelloss and Zel had managed to get rid of their 'loves' and   
> were staring at them; Milgazia was still busily fending off   
> Amelia. The Mazoku and the Chimera did not look happy. 

ZA: (sardonically) Surprise, surprise. 

KOPII ERIS: Wait, how does this Geek kid know Xelloss is mazoku? 

(Lina has remained bright crimson through this entire scene.) 

> "Uh oh," Lina summed up. 

CHIBI DYNAST: "Brevity is the soul of wit." 

> Geek peeked over her head to see that Zel, Xelloss and Milgazia,   
> at last having gotten rid of Amelia, were looking at him and Lina.   
> No, scratch that, glaring fit better, and at him. 

(Za laughs insanely at this scene. The others just stare at her.) 

ZA: What? It's funny! 

> Uh oh, I'm in trouble, Geek thought the obvious. Just as he also   
> realized that his hands were wrapped around Lina's slender waist.   
>   
> "What are you doing with my Lina-chan?" Xelloss asked, his voice   
> honeyed death, taking a step closer to them. 

KOPII ERIS: (pulls out her mini-spiral, scribbles) "Honeyed death"...I'll have to remember that one. 

> "Yes, I was wondering the same thing," Zel joined Xelloss, his   
> voice soft and just as chilling. "What are you doing with my Lina?"   
>   
> "That would make three of us," Milgazia added as he advanced   
> alongside Zel and Xelloss. 

LINA: Why does everyone like calling me theirs in fanfics...? 

ZA: I'll tell you when you're older. ^.^ 

> Geek choked as Xelloss revealed his eyes. They were a glittering   
> violet and cat-slitted. Mazoku. Oh man, I REALLY did it this time,   
> Geek gulped hard. A Ryuzoku, a Mazoku and a Chimera, I'd always   
> wanted to see a Ryuzoku before, even a chimera, a Mazoku I can   
> pass…I knew I'd get the chance if I was lucky enough but NOT LIKE   
> THIS! 

ZA: (again laughs insanely before stopping abruptly) Gah! Comma splice! 

> Xelloss smiled. "You know how it goes with us Mazoku, we get rid   
> of the competition. In the most painful way possible." 

XEL: Then make a gift of the remains. 

LINA: -.-; 

> Zel smiled as well. "We humans don't, but I'm not entirely human   
> either, so…" his smile turned into a crooked grin as his sword   
> leveled at Geek. "I think I could make an exception this once."   
>   
> Milgazia nodded. "I am a Ryuzoku, and we challenge each other to   
> see who is worthy. The stronger one wins. It is rare but…the loser   
> does not always live." 

CHIBI DYNAST: It seems that this will be one of those "rare" cases. Good. 

> Geek gulped again. EEP. 

ZA: What an elegant way of summing up the entire situation. 

> "Why don't we get rid of the weaker competition, then? And move   
> on to settle it between ourselves, ne?" Xelloss suggested, looking   
> at Milgazia and Zelgadiss, they smiled back.   
>   
> "Agreed."   
>   
> "Of course." 

ZEL: Right, let's kill each other like civilized beings. 

> They turned back to Geek.   
>   
> Help. Geek prayed. It came. 

ZA: I'm telling you, it's L-sama... 

> Lina jumped off his lap and grabbed him, pulling him out of the   
> way of the sword stab, staff swipe and hurled ball of white energy   
> that all converged on the spot he had just been sitting on. 

XEL, CHIBI DYNAST, & ZEL: Damn... 

(Zel realises he said this aloud and attempts to hide in his cloak.) 

> "Let's get outta here!!"   
>   
> They beat it. 

(Xel mourns the lost perfect opportunity for an ecchi remark here before realising that Lina-chan would be included in it [and **he** wouldn't be], at which point he return to "normal.") 

CHIBI DYNAST: Is that all? 

ZA: Well, sort of. It's all we're looking at right now. 

KOPII ERIS: Goodie, now I can wake up Fluffy there... 

ZA: Ah, Eris-chan, that may not— 

(Too late: Kopii Eris has already kicked the dozing youkai in the head and he has reflexively ripped open her chest.) 

ZA: DAMMIT, Sesshoumaru, look what you did! You'd better fix this. 

(Sesshoumaru looks at the fuming girl boredly, but miraculously unsheathes the Tenseiga and slashes at pallbearers visible only to him, restoring Kopii Eris. Za cradles the little kopii protectively. Zel and Lina watch in shock; Xel and Chibi Dynast with varying degrees of interest.) 

KOPII ERIS: (groggily, to Fluffy) I **so** hate you. 

(Sesshoumaru is unimpressed.) 

ZA: You did that too easily... 

SESSHOUMARU: I find this place relaxing. It would be difficult to rest here if you were trying to revenge that insect's death. 

ZA: . . . 

LINA: Ano, can we go now? (eyes Sesshoumaru) 

ZA: Huh? Oh, sure... 

(Lina and Zel disappear, returning to their group.) 

XEL: If you'll pardon me, I must get back to watching Lina-chan. 

CHIBI DYNAST: (flatly) On Xelas-nee's orders or your own whim? 

XEL: ~_~ (teleports away) 

CHIBI DYNAST: (scowling a bit) Suman, Za-kun, I have a trickster priest to torture in effigy. (teleports away) 

ZA: (looks at the again-napping Sesshoumaru and shrugs) C'mon, Eris-chan, let's go raid the Pocky stash and think of ways to torment Zel-kun. 

KOPII ERIS: (cheers up) Hai! 

(They teleport off, as well, leaving only Fluffy in the swirly anime background dimension.)   
  


–end...well, temporarily–

If, for some bizarre reason, anyone else would like me to give their fic this same treatment, just contact me at [zametallium@aol.com][1] and we'll discuss it. 

   [1]: mailto:ZaMetallium@aol.com



End file.
